This is an example of a five page letter from a mother to her teenage children.

April 8, 2011

Dear ____________,

Roots and wings. That is what I want to give to you, and why I am writing this letter. I don't expect to be leaving this earth soon, but life is fragile, and surprises are around every corner. This is a good time as any to put my thoughts down on paper, and share a little personal and family history. Perhaps someday you can share this letter with your children, but don't be compelled to produce them now!

I have not accumulated many valuables during my life that I can pass on to you, but perhaps I can pass on values and lessons learned that could make your life softer and sweeter. You are both teenagers now, and advice is probably the last thing you want from me, yet I hope you will embrace this letter anyway. It is written with love. I hope this love will nurture you as you become caring and fulfilled adults.

Much of what I share with you today was based on mistakes I have made in my life. I know I am far from perfect. I still have much work to do to make myself a better human being, but life has taught me a few things. Some I have acted upon, and others I am still learning. I hope some of my words can prevent you from distress, and help you secure more happiness. These are my words of wisdom. Take what makes sense to you.

At the age of 53, I am writing this letter to you to let you know my feelings about the life I have lived, to honor the relationships that have enriched my life, to help you feel more connected to your relatives, and to express my gratitude for all that I received including, the two of you.

It wasn't easy conceiving you both. Remember that the chance of a sperm and egg uniting is 200 million to one. If you think about it, we have all already won the grand prize lottery of all… LIFE. You are a cherished gift because you are here. The icing on the cake is that you both have so much joive de vivre, that it has been a joy to watch you grow, and take life on with such gusto.

Seth, I especially cherish the moments when you would stop to appreciate a beautiful sunset, even though your life is often hectic. "Mom, Mom," you would cry. "You have to come out and see this." I would run out, and we would both stand in the middle of the street, probably ignoring traffic, just to get the best angle on the horizon.

Hannah, most young mothers would have to deal with the bewitching hour in the early evening when children sometimes get crabby. You were always cheerful any time of the day. You spoke very early, and the wisdom from such a pitsala was amazing. Once, we were driving from Florida to see your grandparents, Grandma Barbara and Grandpa Jerry, and we parked the car and played on the beach. When we returned, someone broke into our car and stole all our money. Your father and I were pretty upset, but as we were driving back to Maryland, a little squeaky voice from the car seat in the back said, Don't worry mommy and daddy, it's only money." You were only two years old.

Our family is full of characters that live life to the fullest. We are steeped in the arts. The act of creating is in our DNA. Whether it is a painting, writing a poem, performing a play or helping to create a better world, the Dobkin's and Jensky's are all over it. Your Aunt Nori was a professional artist. Many other family members were drawn to painting. Grandma Rosy, Zeidie, Grandpa Morris, Aunt Ricki, and Aunt Helena to name a few. Many of us were attracted to writing, poetry and theater.

You have obviously inherited this trait. Some of my special memories are of you Seth on the stage having the ball of your life. Even before you could talk, you could sing. Your nickname was the "La La Boy" because you picked up melodies so easily. Your Great Aunt Lillian, Great Aunt Helena and especially Great Aunt Nori also loved to perform. The three of them were called the Dobkin Sisters, and sang, danced and performed funny skits throughout NYC and the "borsch belt" in the Catskill Mountains in upstate New York during the summers. Often they performed for fundraisers to promote workers' rights and to help fight fascism abroad. They had beautiful voices, and looks to match.

Grandma Rosy, Zeidie's mother, was the belle of the ball with her cooking, entertaining, singing and of course directing. She and Zeidie's family lived in a tiny Brooklyn apartment near the subway tracks across from Prospect Park when I was little. Uncles, aunts and cousins lived close by and family gatherings were full of fraeloch.

Hannah, when you were little, we would often dance in the living room, and sometimes perform mini plays, so you too inherited some theatrics. Your Great, Grandma Ruth (You called her Mema.), loved to dance as does your Grandma Barbara and your Great Aunt Ricki. In fact, I was raised dancing and hearing old folk and political songs sung by Grandma Barbara and Aunt Ricki.

Both sides of your family, the Dobkin's and Jensky's were political with socialistic leanings. They all fought for human rights including your Great Grandpa Morris, who was Mema's husband. He died before you were born, but you both possess his intellect and that of his brothers and sisters (Max, Sam, Charlie, Jack, Aunt Jenks (Ida) and Aunt Toby (Tillie).

Aunt Jenks gave me her stuffed cabbage recipe and was an artist. She and her husband, Uncle Max were great philanthropists. Seth, you were named after Aunt Toby. She was a nurse who fought with the Lincoln Brigade" in the Spanish Civil War against the fascists before WWII. She is in a documentary called the "Good Fight." You should watch it sometime. Grandpa Morris's brothers were the first Five Beta Kappa at NY University. Uncle Jack was a war hero, and died in a plane that was shot down over Germany. Uncle Josh was named after him.

President Obama wrote in a letter to his two daughters, Malia and Sasha, after he was elected president, "Only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential." Our family has a long heritage serving others and fighting for positive social change. Whether we were teachers, social workers, or nurses, you come from a long line community activists and advocates. I hope that no matter what profession(s) you choose, you discover how fulfilling it is to serve others.

You both march to your own drum, and that is something I admire. Continue being authentic. Follow your dreams, but remember to create goals. Dreams are goals with deadlines. Be accountable to yourself. Don't let excuses or obstacles deter you from your path. Respect your path. Some of it you can control and most of it you cannot. The serenity prayer on my wall above my desk has provided an important reminder of this. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can change. Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Life can get crazy at times. I know you both recognize other peoples' dramas. Try not to get sucked into them. There's a saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff, and everything is small stuff." Rise above whenever you can. If you don't, it can sap critical energy from doing wonderful things in your life. Negativity is like gravity. It pulls you down and is hard to resist. Being positive takes more effort, but provides immeasurable dividends. Try not to take yourself too seriously. Humor is really the elixir of life. Cultivate your sense of humor and the absurdities in life. It will make you and everyone around you physically and emotionally healthier.

I have always followed my passion and I hope you do the same. Remember, what you love you generally have a talent for and what you have a talent for you love. Doing what you love is the key to happiness. Should you follow your "heart beat," you will never have to work a day in your life. Your labor will be a labor of love.

Believe in yourself and your capabilities, especially during challenging or confusing times. Trust your intuition; your fist instincts are usually correct. Yet, cultivate common sense too. It will guard you from many mistakes if you take the time to think things through and consider implications to prospective actions or decisions. Slow down and try not to be impulsive. It may go against your nature, but it will serve you well if you can practice this balance.

You come from a hardworking, tenacious and stubborn stock. With commitment and hard work you will get where ever it is you want to be, and know that nothing great or worth anything is ever easy. Remember that your best traits are also your worse traits. Mine is tenacity. It sometimes helps, but it sometimes hinders me from achieving my goals. This self-awareness helps me back off at times. I wish I could have flowed more in my life.

I was raised by my mother and father to be honest with myself and with others. There is nothing noble about being a liar. Lying will only hurt the people that love you and cause them to mistrust you. Trust is difficult to earn back. I know it is easier to lie at times. We see people lying all around us. This makes me feel sad. Just because many people act a certain way doesn't make it acceptable. I know you both can rise to a higher standard. Grandma Barbara would always say, "If everyone jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, should you?"

You come from a family of teachers. Education is empowering, but remember education can be both formal and informal and both are valuable. You also come from a family that cherishes nature. I hope you continue to find peace in nature, and that you protect her for the rest of your life.

Remember, you are part of nature, of a greater spirit. Take care of your body. Where will you live? I know you make fun of me because I want you to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables. I truly believe they are a gift from God. Zeidie has eaten an orange and a pear everyday of his life and he is playing tennis and golf at age 80.

Try to be appreciative and kind, it will endear you to everyone, and you never know when you will never see someone again. We don't always grasp what we have until it is almost taken from us. Don't burn bridges because more likely than not, you WILL see that person again. You would be surprise how often people from your past crop up later in your life.

I was never good at suppressing my emotions, but it is a skill worth having during times of conflict with others. Much conflict can be reduced if you pay attention to the world around you, and not just your world. That you see other people through eyes of love and not fear, that you are quick to see the similarities and slow to see the differences. Tap into your compassion whenever you get angry, judgmental or disappointed at someone. Compassion heals relationships, and makes you feel good inside and strong.

I always had high expectations for myself and those around me, and found myself disappointed way too often. "Remember, happiness doesn't depend on who you are, or what you have; it depends solely on what you think." Dale Carnegie. Dennis Prager, an author and lecturer, came up with this equation: Unhappiness = image - reality. It means that we are unhappy when we create an image for ourselves that we cannot possibly live up to- a perfect friend or marriage, fame, financial independence. We have two choices. Modify your image or modify your reality. The former is easiest. Recognize how fortunate you are instead of focusing on what you don't have. Happiness is not money, things, or power; its gratitude says Richard Edler. I couldn't agree more.

If I were saying "good-bye" to you today for the last time, I would want you to know how much I love you, and how much I wish our family could be closer. It's difficult now to see how beneficial close family ties can be when you are striving for your independence as young adults, and your parents are so uncool. I know how you feel. I was also a fiery independent teenager. Independence is delicious, but true satisfaction comes from interdependence.

I hope our family can become closer someday and that we have fun times together. Friends, come and go through the years, but family can be your steady perch to come back to again and again. This is especially true with your siblings. Your parents later in your life are likely not to be around, but your sibling will likely be. Look at Zeidie and his sisters, grandma Barbara and Aunt Ricki, Uncle Josh and I for guidance . We all live far apart, but in our hearts we are very close and mutually supportive. Strong sibling relationship is a godsend in old age. As a gerontologist, I saw that over and over again. People who demonstrated vital aging did so with strong sibling support.

The inverse is true too. Much unhappiness is caused by family disputes. It's not always easy to forgive when someone has hurt you, but try and resolve conflicts as quickly as you can. Keep reaching out no matter what. Put bruised egos and misunderstandings aside. More is at stake. Grudges, disappointment and anger strangle the spirit, and you were both meant to soar.

My wish for you both is that you tap into your unique talents and bring your gifts to our world, and that you give and receive love everyday of your life.

What I ask of you is simple. Please carry me forward by transferring the love I have for you and give it to others to promote their roots and wings. Carry me forward in your kitchen with our favorite dishes that my parents and grandparents shared with me, and you can share with those you care about. If the oven is hot the heart is warm. Carry me forward in your songs, poetry, art and dance. If you do you will be celebrating all our ancestors and connecting them to future descendants, your children and grandchildren. Carry me forward with an optimism, tenacity and devotion to social justice and social change. The world can be a better place because of you. Carry me forward and I will be with you always.

I Love You, Mom